LOSS OF A LOVED ONE
I'm sorry for letting you down. During my long undeserved break I tried my possible best to come back and it led me to asking my viewers for topics I could write on. I got a lot of "covid-19". Butttt if write on that with the information I have and my conspiracy theory library of a brain we'll all panic our way to high blood pressure.
I got a topic I like. Better than that covid nigga. It goes something like "how do you deal with a loved one with a terminal illness, knowing they're going to die and coming in terms with it".
I'll try my possible best to make this not so painful.
Loss of a loved one is something that is so painful(yeah I know I have the word painful in the first sentence, limme I'm trying), beautiful memories begin to haunt you they go straight from blissful to traumatizing skipping everything in between.
Now I cannot really say which one hurts more "knowing they're going to die,seeing death coming and being totally useless, you can't take away the pain. You can't put a smile on their face. You don't just have the right words anymore.
But at least you possibly get to say goodbye, you know well to cherish every moment cause you know it could be the last.
Oorrrr not seeing it coming, treating everything with levity and one day they're no longer there, you're left with "should haves".should have spent more time with them. Should have told them you loved them more. Should have showed up that one time they needed you.
Regrets eating you up. But on the other hand at least you don't get to watch them go slowly and stand there seemingly useless.
Now I cannot really say which one hurts more "knowing they're going to die,seeing death coming and being totally useless, you can't take away the pain. You can't put a smile on their face. You don't just have the right words anymore.
But at least you possibly get to say goodbye, you know well to cherish every moment cause you know it could be the last.
Oorrrr not seeing it coming, treating everything with levity and one day they're no longer there, you're left with "should haves".should have spent more time with them. Should have told them you loved them more. Should have showed up that one time they needed you.
Regrets eating you up. But on the other hand at least you don't get to watch them go slowly and stand there seemingly useless.
These being said. There are 2 ways I feel impending death of a loved one due terminal illnesses can be dealt with and they're are:
1. Psyching yourself and (okay actually it's only one I just wanted to sound professional).
1. Psyching yourself and (okay actually it's only one I just wanted to sound professional).
Psyching yourself really is just a nice of saying tricking yourself. You've no play games with your own mind. Sheesh nothing about this is easy. There are 2 ways you could do this
1. Through your religious beliefs
2. Using memories to your advantage
(Yea it's really 2 this time).
I'll start with point 2 (using memories)
If the person is critically ill then the person is most likely in the hospital but a shadow of themselves. You'd go and pay visits but the person can't be happy to see you,even if they wanted to. (Omg this is getting sad). They can't trade stories cause heyy they're in the hospital what do you want to hear. How the guy over there just died?.
It can be really painful to see them this way. What you can do is to bring back memories of them when they were livelier and would dress up, and laugh and cuss out if provoked (yunno all the things we take for granted) and just keep that memory in mind. Choose to picture them that way. It's hard but you can make yourself see them that way it'll hurt a little less.
1. Through your religious beliefs
2. Using memories to your advantage
(Yea it's really 2 this time).
I'll start with point 2 (using memories)
If the person is critically ill then the person is most likely in the hospital but a shadow of themselves. You'd go and pay visits but the person can't be happy to see you,even if they wanted to. (Omg this is getting sad). They can't trade stories cause heyy they're in the hospital what do you want to hear. How the guy over there just died?.
It can be really painful to see them this way. What you can do is to bring back memories of them when they were livelier and would dress up, and laugh and cuss out if provoked (yunno all the things we take for granted) and just keep that memory in mind. Choose to picture them that way. It's hard but you can make yourself see them that way it'll hurt a little less.
I kept the best for last. The point "psyching yourself through your religious beliefs". Now I know we all have different beliefs but we mostly believe there's a supreme being that gives life and that there's life after death in some mystical land somewhere lightyears outside this world,much more beautiful than this life we have,with no pain or sickness or plagues or hunger. (At least that's if we're right with the big man upstairs.if you know you know).
There are a lot if religions but in Nigeria it's predominantly, Christianity and Islam.
For the Muslim faith I can't say much, though I have Muslim origins a Muslim name (which I find very ugly) to show for it. But I know there's janaah and everybody wants to be there. So you can picture your loved one in the beautiful place, knowing they'll stop suffering. Helps with the pain.
But most times I don't think we're upset that their going, we're upset for our selfish reasons, yunno the attachments we have with them, rather than their actual place of rest, so having them in a better place might not suffice, it may still hurt.
For the Muslim faith I can't say much, though I have Muslim origins a Muslim name (which I find very ugly) to show for it. But I know there's janaah and everybody wants to be there. So you can picture your loved one in the beautiful place, knowing they'll stop suffering. Helps with the pain.
But most times I don't think we're upset that their going, we're upset for our selfish reasons, yunno the attachments we have with them, rather than their actual place of rest, so having them in a better place might not suffice, it may still hurt.
For the Christians I can speak a lot more we have heaven or paradise that's where the good guys are at it's really beautiful from what I heard. Now to deal with impending death of a loved one. We can just make ourselves believe that if they leave this world it's not really a bad thing. We'll cry about it but jokes on us we're the ones suffering. They will be in a better play. No suffering induced by terrible governance induced by greed.
Now that is easier said than done. I tell you it's difficultttt to just talk yourself into that and believing yourself (yunno what it means to not believe your own self?.e be things).
I lost a friend recently and that experience has showed me how hard it is.
Now religion works with faith. Now faith has many definitions but the one I like the most goes something like "faith is believing in something you don't believe in" (somewhere along that line). Faith is crazy cause you cannot get any proof really that's the whole point of it. If you're told believe and hold on to it,don't doubt don't double guess. Now I have faith I can say that for sure I've used it in many impossible situations and gotten out.
But when it came to the death of my friend it wasn't the same. Usually in church or when I read my Bible. If I see something I take it and believe cause God can't lie. This most times sends and electric like sensation down my spine and I want to shout or jump or laugh or cry depending on the content of the verse. My point is it is capable of generating joy from within. (I think it's called the inward witness, but this isn't Bible class).
Now religion works with faith. Now faith has many definitions but the one I like the most goes something like "faith is believing in something you don't believe in" (somewhere along that line). Faith is crazy cause you cannot get any proof really that's the whole point of it. If you're told believe and hold on to it,don't doubt don't double guess. Now I have faith I can say that for sure I've used it in many impossible situations and gotten out.
But when it came to the death of my friend it wasn't the same. Usually in church or when I read my Bible. If I see something I take it and believe cause God can't lie. This most times sends and electric like sensation down my spine and I want to shout or jump or laugh or cry depending on the content of the verse. My point is it is capable of generating joy from within. (I think it's called the inward witness, but this isn't Bible class).
Well not in this case. Some days ago was meant to be his birthday day and I was posting pictures of him captioning "I know you're in a better place", that's meant to be enough to change my mood and make me want to jump or something yunno he is a better place. But instead I was just numb. I posted a Bible verse where Jesus said (paraphrasing) even if he dies he lives again.
Whattt that's Jesus talking I should jump. Kenneth Hagin (one of my favorite men if God) once wrote in one of his books "if an angel comes down and writes on the wall with his finger those words can't be any truer than the words in the Bible). I always keep that in mind while reading the Bible.
Ladies and gentlemennn it did not workkkk. I was still not feeling it.
The words felt plain in my mouth. I couldn't understand it. Myself and my brother sat for about an hour in the middle of the night planning how we'd call his (my friend) parents a call that did not last 5 mins.
I was battling with my own mind it was hard.
Whattt that's Jesus talking I should jump. Kenneth Hagin (one of my favorite men if God) once wrote in one of his books "if an angel comes down and writes on the wall with his finger those words can't be any truer than the words in the Bible). I always keep that in mind while reading the Bible.
Ladies and gentlemennn it did not workkkk. I was still not feeling it.
The words felt plain in my mouth. I couldn't understand it. Myself and my brother sat for about an hour in the middle of the night planning how we'd call his (my friend) parents a call that did not last 5 mins.
I was battling with my own mind it was hard.
In conclusion the best we can do is psych ourselves but it's an herculean task to say the least. But it's possible. I'm trying it. I know it'll work eventually. You can try it too.
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